WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
