so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
