The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
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He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
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just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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