well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
