Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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