have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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