So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Randomize
