Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
