Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.