I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.