you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Contemplating These 27 Questions Will Make Your Brain Explode
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
25 People Confess The Most Shocking Things They’ve Ever Seen In Public
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...