Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
