I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
