Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Randomize
