All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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