my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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