Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
