but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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