Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
