Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
