I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
