sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
