is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
