the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
