So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
