omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
