I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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