It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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