He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
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But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
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Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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