i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
