Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
