My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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