how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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