I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Randomize
