STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize