i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
