Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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