He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
