yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I'm really busy with my period
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