I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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