ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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