sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
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I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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