Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
This is the high leading the old right now
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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