I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
