Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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