The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
A+ Viking dick
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
