he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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