The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
