Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
