Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
