I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
