dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
