She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
The air taste purple.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
