Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
