We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I see more hoeing in ur future
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
