you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
