I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
