i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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