Apparently you make a good broom.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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