Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
that may or may not have been my penis.
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