I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
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