you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Randomize