God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
she smelled like a LAN party
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
