we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
