Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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