I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
