And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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