so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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