The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I would ride that face into the sunset
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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