your parents love me but you hate me
White coat. Heels.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
