I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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