Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
