porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
i dont even know how to be here
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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