apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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