EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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