my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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