he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
