While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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