Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
