It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
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