PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
