Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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