Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
