I cockslap morals
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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