Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
