so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
He? As in you personified your dick?
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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