last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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